So I'm writing this post I feel like I don't get everything out like the word somehow get stuck at my fingertips maybe that's because most of them riding on a phone so it mean when they come to do slow down it sucks so I am going to attempt to do is just simply take take this and see how it comes out not even sure if it'll work.
So while I'm on the subject of support as soon as to what is hurting me the most is I don't feel I have a support system I thought I thought I thought that I don't know maybe that I would get better faster that I would normalize sooner so that the one person I would want to be there for me without asking want to be there for me so since I didn't I didn't hurt her when she's close to me.
The problem is it seems to me again my bad days are are so much worse than even bad days of it my bad moment cuz not like I have a completely bad day but when I had that bad moment is really bad and can one person one he seems to hate me and everybody else I've pushed away Philip was the one person away that could have been there for me it could have understood who could have been just think they need that occasional have a person seems to think of such a great deal.
So as always I'm sitting here in the dark in the night wish I could sleep I think there's just something not going to be coming to me again like always I will stay awake way late and then I'll get up at 7 o'clock like I'm supposed to and I will get the other two other children taken to school and I will attempt to have a conversation with them but I fell like I always seem to do when they speak to me my daughter even an entire ride to school yesterday and I supposed to come over to my house after school tomorrow.
So what does that mean what what do I do well think of a connection with them when I seem to lose connection to my uncles every day the one person like the woman I want to spend my life with seems to hate me wunderground me as a close to the clothes I just paid to wash set in the trunk of her car segregated from my own was so nice to me safely I'll f*** you in the bugs away for long enough for me to The Weather Network look decent one for moment.
At this point I feel like I'm going to end up rambling if I can do you speak and I have my shower on for my lease as its meant to relax again another thing on that paper tell me to take a bath or shower anything to relax and eat it, nerves to keep the extremely girlfriends it at bay the mood swings and check in the spare time creeping into me yes in case it wasn't in the springtime today was not a good day and for once I actually thought the whole day was bad not just bits and pieces where I slept the whole day was I was off I was insulted. So maybe I should have been insulted I've hurt because I felt like my offers for dejected they made out of that I'm not I'm not sure that's what actually happened I'm not sure that the point of that statement was to the deck my aunt wants but rather to ensure that her once happened to make sure it wasn't a hardship on me so that she was able to get what she needed she was let me know that I wish she would help me and it said I took of the shoes minimizing my help but she didn't want me to be part of her help. The simple fact that I was just worried I was worried about her and I was worried about her friend. I think of friends being a huge mistake I wish I supposed to do with her friend's husband leave everything that has things behind his dreams he has failed to even come close to capture hes spending his days do the same thing there's a dude here this is what I've been told. But again I'm like I said if I can't answer to Rand I make me laugh and I think I'm going to actually keep the mistakes there I'm not going to change so I'm going to post this entry was ever the type of the mistake that is the Google Translate then is there but I guess me as small as a joy to see the mistakes. It gives me joy to see the not every moment has to be perfect everyone has to be completely struction! But why do I feel has to be? Why do I lose control when its not?
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